The United States of Total Mayhem
by Spitfire123
Summary: Narrator: Chapter three (wow, we're really moving along)! New York-centric, with a twist of Virginian style music! But be aware, don't let Virginia know you're listening to her sing!
1. Chapter 1

"And that is what I think we should do about lack of organic produce in our countries grocery stores." Everyone in the meeting room sighed of boredom as D.C. stood at the front, smiling proudly as his presentation came to an end.

"Or we could just keep it the way they are now! No one would notice anyways!" Colorado sighed, leaning heavily on the meeting room table.

"Well, Colorado has a point.." Georgia said, before going back to nibble on her peach. D.C. frowned.

"Many of our citizens have been asking for more organi-"

"D.C.! NO ONE CARES!" Wisconsin shouted, slamming his fists on the table, waking those who had fallen asleep during the presentation. D.C. just pouted, crossing his arms some. A small voice spoke up, "Um, I agree with D.C..."

"My God, someone get me ah Tonic!" Massachusetts said with a exasperated sigh, holding his head in his hands. The room was silent until someone (no one was sure who it was) called out 'BREAK TIME' and all the states ran out of the room as quick as possible, wanting to be free from the overwhelming tensions.

* * *

"Whew, I was afraid it would end up like last time!" South Carolina sighed, "I thought they would start a fist fight.."

"Come on South, ya can't think like that!" Alabama pounded her back happily, not exactly noticing her pain.

"I-If you say so Alabama.." South Carolina smiled nervously, enduring the other state's pounding, as to not hurt her feelings.

* * *

Idaho watched some of the southern states, then turned to his overexcited neighbor next to him, "... Say, you know any good restaurants?" Montana beamed.

"Why sure I do! There's-"

"Cool." Idaho turned back to watch South Carolina, ignoring the pouting look from Montana.

* * *

Wisconsin pouted, "Who does D.C. think he is?! He thinks he can just push us around 'cuz he's got the Prez!" The couple mid-western states that were listening nodded. "Yeah! Just 'cuz he's got dem White houses don't mean he's over us!" Indiana shouted, raising a fist. "Just 'cuz I don't have anything, doesn't mean I'm not important!" He blinked and looked around awkwardly, "I mean... I MAKE YOUR FOOD, DEAL WITH IT!"

"Hey! I make some of it too!"

"I make cheese!"

"I farm wheat!"

"Oi, shuddap!"

"Quiet Oregon!" All the mid-western states shouted at the same time, glaring angrily at the rainy state as Illinois flipped him off. Oregon stared at them with an un-amused glare. "I'm just saying, rallying a rebellion against D.C. will only make Dad mad." He turned back to his coffee tiredly, sighing as he practically inhaled the liquid.

* * *

Massachusetts happily downed his third bottle of Tonic water, then turned to Maine and Maryland. "Hey guys, ya wanna go crabbin' latah?" Maine looked annoyed.

"Nah, Massachusetts, it's wicked cold outside. Stop asking!" Massachusetts pouted,

"But MAINNNN-"

"No, deal with it," Maryland chuckled at the sight of a (pretty buff) grown man pouting.

* * *

"Why won't anyone listen to meee!" D.C. whined, puffing his cheeks out to look pouty. "They should! I mean, I have all the statistics and everything-"

"Oi, D.C.! Stop your whinin' and get over here! " D.C. smirked for a second, then began to pout again.

"But Virginiaaaa! No one listensss!"

"That's their fault, not mine! So get over here before I get really angry!" Virginia glared at him, pushing a strand of her long hair behind an ear. D.C. wobbled over, standing in front of a seated Virginia as she shoved a folder of papers into his hands. "You will get no sympathy from me."

"BUT VIRGINIAAA-"

"NO!

* * *

**AN: this is nothing more than pure crack... Have fun with this fic, and requests for chapters are awesome!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Random Crack:**

"Isn't this fun Idaho!?" Once again, Idaho was stuck with Montana, walking along part of the older states fossil trail.

"Sure." Idaho watched as his partner bent over and picked up an imprinted rock, then proceeding to shove it in his face.

"Look! Look! It's a plant!"

Sweatdropping a bit, Idaho replied with a grimace and nodded. "Sure, Montana.."

"Gahh- this is sooo cool~!" Montana skipped along down the path, stopping to pick up yet another rock. "Look! This one is a claw!" Idaho rolled his eyes and just kept walking, always waiting for the over excited boy to catch up with him. It was something the state had to do. It was always nice to be on good terms, even if it meant wasting away in the forests of Montana. And besides, as annoying as the boy may be, he was starting to grow on Idaho.

"Look! It's a-"

Scratch that last one..

"I FUCKING SEE IT!" Idaho bellowed, pinching the bridge of his nose to relieve his headache some. He knew he should've brought some advil or something.

Looking up, his eyes roamed over that face; that cute, rounded, sniffling face, suddenlyfinding himself ashamed from just staring at the other. How could he yell at someone so cute and innocent was beyond him, and soon he began to brush the tears away.

Shit, he was an ass.

But he continued to rub Montana's face soothingly, leaning in a bit closer with every tear that he disposed of.

Without thinking, his lips swept across the others cheek in a sweet kiss.

Pulling away quickly, he hoped that the damage that he had done with that thoughtless kiss could be fixed and reversed. But as soon as he saw the dazed look, no longer energetic nor snivelling, Idaho realised that no damage had been inflicted.

From now on, he mused, their relations will be a bit different than before.

* * *

**New York was without power after hurricane Sandy hit:**

New York, bored and without power, spent his day lazing around his apartment with a can of coke in his hand.

No power, no food.

Next to him, New York's geographically close and personally closer cousin, New Jersey, sat, cuddled up in her jacket and blanket. As she absentmindedly chewed a wad of gum in between her newly whitened teeth, New York took a swig of coke. Neither had anything to say, and both Pennsylvania and Connecticut had failed to make it into New York's Manhattan apartment before Sandy hit.

They both sighed and buried themselves more into their respective blankets. It was impossible to do much, as the flat's entertainment mostly relied on electricity, or people.

So, New York took another swig, attempting to relieve himself of his pounding headache, inevitably caused by this storm. There was nothing to do, and New York could still feel the after effects of Sandy.

Setting his jaw, he decided it would be best to wait out this dilemma, hopefully getting back to his favorite TV series once the power came back on.

* * *

**In the early days of the US, there was a small state called Franklin. However, it was merged with Tennessee in 1786:**

Tennessee facepalmed in aggravation and frustration. How could this happen again? Even after she had locked up every single ounce of alcohol she owned, he still somehow managed to find it.

In front of her lay an unconscious Franklin, alcohol in hand.

TBC (eventually)

* * *

**A/N: well, this is the second installment of my first crack fic~ reviews are loved! **


	3. Chapter 3

**1674: The Treaty of Westminster was signed, ceding New York to England from the Netherlands.**

Listening in, New Netherland could hear his papa. He was talking, something about fighting and stopping. Then someone else started talking, someone he had never heard before. That voice sounded so mean, and it took all he had not to go in there and save his papa from this meanie.

Even though the chibi was not well versed in English yet, he could still decipher some of the words this mean person spoke. It was mostly the pronouns and prepositions he could translate, but he was able to comprehend larger words, like stop, war, and his own name, New Netherland.

As he leaned harder against the door, it fell inward, landing his face flat on the floor. The voices stopped and he looked up to see his papa, staring down at a piece of paper with tears in his eyes.

"Papa, wa-" the man gave him a cold, calculating glare, before turning to his papa.

"I will give you one last goodbye, Lars." he said, and his papa stood, then scooped him up in a giant hug.

"Netherland," his papa whispered. "That is your name, New Netherland, don't forget it..I love you." Giving his colony one last squeeze, he set him down and ruffled his hair.

He then abruptly left, and the mean person stood directly in front of him.

"Forget him, your name is New York, my colony. And I am England."

* * *

**1981: One-hundredth year aniversary of the encounter between Livingstone and Stanley.**

Biting his lip, New York stared down at the various stamps, eyes roaming over to decide which to buy. There was the traditional American flag, then the one with the eagle, and then..

New York's eyes widened. It couldn't be..

Such a simple post office had the most famous stamp of all.

It was blue, nothing too outrageous, with two men and a speech bubble.

"Dr. Livingstone I presume?" it said, and New York almost melted in the sheer awesomeness of it. He had been searching for a stamp similar to this since it had first been released, one hundred years ago, commemorating the encounter between the columnist Henry Stanley and missionary David Livingstone after the latter had gone missing in rural east Africa in the mid-eighteen hundreds. Naturally, as soon as Stanley returned to his job in the New York Times, the state had found numerous ways to thank and congratulate the writer.

Sighing at the nostalgia of former times, New York swiped up the package of Livingstone stamps and grinned. One more to add to his stamp collection.

* * *

**1938: Kate Smith records the first broadcasted version of "God Bless America".**

"On this glorious day in 1938, we have a lovely lady ready to sing for us." the announcer stated clearly for all audiences across America to hear, and every state was tuned in for Virginia's voice. Mean-spirited, callous Virginia was going to sing for the entire population of America. A giant step forward for the Mid-Atlantic state, at least, forward in popularity. Instantly stepping toward the microphone and flipping back a thick strand of blonde hair, Virginia began to belt out "God Bless America", gripping the microphone tightly in one hand and closing her ear with the other to check the pitch. Perfect.

Continuing, she could feel the adrenaline pump through her veins as she continued, basking in the glory and beauty of her own singing voice.

* * *

**1970: A year after the Philadelpia Flyers began to use her version during the games.**

Glaring angrily at her older sibling, Virginia crossed her arms and shifted her weight. Pennsylvania was _not _allowed to use her recording. Never, never, never.

"Pennsylvania, stop." she warned threateningly, a growl imminent in her voice. And her brother just grinned back at her, unfazed by her anger.

"But it's so pretty."

"NO! You can't use it for your stupid hockey games!"

"Too bad~"

**Needless to say, the Philadelphia Flyers hockey team still use the anthem sung by Kate Smith, a local Virginian.**

* * *

**A/N: WOOT! November tenth has a lot in it, doesn't it? Anyways, thanks to everyone who favorited and followed! New chapter anywhere from tomorrow to next week, so R&R!**


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